Friday, June 3, 2011

Mom-mart Position Available: Lovable Labels BlogHer’ 11 Getaway Contest


Mom-mart is an equal opportunity employer currently accepting applications for the CEO executive position in your local area.  No experience is necessary, though the following credentials are preferred: CLD or mini VAN license, Infant CPR/First Aid certification, Pre K-College teaching certification, M.Ed., PhD, MSW, DMD, MD, RN, NCC, LCC, LEED, and MrS. 

At Mom-Mart, we believe that the CEO assumes responsibilities for all positions in the company, daily responsibilities include but are not limited to:

1. Stock Clerk:  Receive, open, unpack, and stock shelves. Pack customer backpacks, sports bags, lunches, and overnight bags. Clean display cabinets, refrigerators, and pantries. Take inventory and examine merchandise to identify food, clothing, toiletry, and household items to be reordered or replenished. Stock clerk is responsible for creating original store displays around seasonal, holiday, and birthday themes. 

2. Cashier:  Handle all bank, credit, and cash transactions. This includes cash transactions at the farmer's market, ice cream truck, lunch money, car wash, parking meters, allowance, and over due library fees. 

Sweet Lulu
3. Photo Lab Technician: Must have photography equipment ready at all times in case of rare tender  moments between siblings, monumental milestones, sporting events, reunions, customers naps in unassuming places, playtime involving dress up clothes, and vacations. Technician is responsible for uploading, organizing, titling, posting, printing, scrap booking, enlarging, framing, hanging, and distributing photos in a timely manner. 

4. Facilities Manager: Keep building clean by sweeping, vacuuming, and scrubbing all surfaces. Must keep corporate and public bathrooms presentable at all times. Facilities Manager is responsible for the employee break room/kitchen and will act as head cook, sous chef, head waiter, and dishwasher.  Also responsible for the maintenance and cleanliness of all employee uniforms, especially the camo pants requested on school days. 

Image Source

3. Director of Learning and Development: Will work closely with all levels of the organization to define immediate and long term strategies that support both the academic and social objectives of the company. This position is responsible for incorporating key principles and values within technical training (potty training, bike riding, and fishing) and professional development activities (reading, writing, and arithmetic). 

4. Staff Pharmacist: Coordinate customer pharmaceutical plans with primary care physicians and specialists. Responsible for administration of all prescriptions and over the counter medicines through any method possible (bribery, concealing, or begging). Pharmacist must maintain ample stock in trendy character band-aids, A & D, hand sanitizer, Motrin, boo boo bunnies, and wet wipes. 

6. Public Relations Specialist: Responsible for creating a positive image of the company to the public as well as identifying and promoting current goals and policies.  PR Specialist is responsible for creating and implementing a cohesive social media strategy via Twitter, Blogger, Facebook, email, telephone, and holiday print campaigns. 


CEO will remain on call 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Mandatory overtime is required on birthdays and holidays. Salary starts at a regulatory volunteer base rate. Raises can be negotiated through the following methods: kisses, hugs, veggie consumed dinners, picnics, merry go rounds, report cards, s'mores, school concerts, and lime popsicles. 

This is my entry to the Lovable Labels BlogHer '11 contest!  Visit here to find out how you can enter.

1 comment:

  1. I like how you broke the position into different jobs, especially "Photo Technician" and "Staff Pharmacist". ;) Good luck in the BlogHer contest.


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